


The Five Times Steven Wasn't Registered For School

by DWEmma



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Collection: Purimgifts Day 3, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:03:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29543493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DWEmma/pseuds/DWEmma
Summary: Did you really think no one noticed that Steven wasn't registered for school until he would have been in middle school?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4
Collections: Purimgifts 2021





	The Five Times Steven Wasn't Registered For School

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thesometimeswarrior](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/gifts).



1.

“V, where does Sour Cream go during the day when you’re at work?” Amethyst asked her friend while Vidalia was painting her. 

“He’s at school,” Vidalia said. 

“Cool. Cool. Cool.” said Amethyst, and then paused. “Uh, another question.”

“Try not to move after asking the question,” said Vidalia. 

“Yeah, uh, sure. What’s that? Uh, school?” 

“We send kids there so they can learn, I guess. But I mostly send him for the free babysitting and lunches. Now don’t move. I need to get your face just right.”

Amethyst tried not to move. It was a good thing that Steven didn’t need free babysitting or free lunches. Otherwise they would have to send him to school. 

2\. 

Greg painstakingly filled out the school forms by hand with a yellow colored pencil (it was the only pencil he could find, and all pencils look like yellow pencils until you try to write with one.) He even put on a button down shirt (that wouldn’t button, but only one stain on it) and drove the van down to the school to bring the forms in. But when he got there, they informed him that they’d need Steven’s birth certificate, medical records, social security card, and a few other things that he didn’t retain, and that he really needed to fill out the forms in a legible color, ideally ink, really ideally he would just fill out the online registration forms. 

Steven didn’t have a birth certificate, social security card, and he’d never seen a doctor (he could he, with the gem and all), and it was all too confusing. So Greg just let it slide. He’d hated school as a kid, so why not spare the little Schtu-ball and just not make him go? He was half Gem. He’d be fine. 

3\. 

Garnet sat up in alarm after having a future vision. Greg had been arrested for being a negligent parent for not sending Steven to school.

So late that night, Garnet filled out the paperwork to homeschool Steven, broke into the district office, and made an official approval to homeschool without needing to be monitored or observed file, and put it where it hadn’t been in her vision. 

Problem. Solved. 

She nodded, and climbed back out the window. 

4\. 

Amethyst was looking at a shelf of books at a bookstore. “Is Your Child Ready For Kindergarten?” she read out loud. In a fit of anger, she pulled the book off the shelf and tore it into tiny bits and ate the bits. “No kid is ever going to a Kindergarten on my watch,” she muttered, walking out as the clerk looked at her in horror. 

5\. 

“Why did no one tell me that we have the legal obligation to send Steven to school when he was 5 human years old?” Pearl confronted Amethyst and Garnet as they appeared on the Warp Pad. 

“Because it was unnecessary,” stated Garnet. 

“Uh, because it sounded lame?” Amethyst said at the same moment. 

“I’m a school! Vroom vroom! Beep beep!” yelled a slightly smaller than Classic Steven, probably around seven years old, zipping around the house wearing a towel wrapped around his neck like a cape. 

“Steven, a school is not a kind of vehicle. And take that towel off. You might trip on it!” shrieked Pearl.

“Relax, Pearl. Steven’s half gem. And we’re teaching him all that he needs to know to be a gem,” said Amethyst. 

“But he’s half human. His human half probably needs human school. He wasn’t just created knowing things like we were,” lamented Pearl. “We promised Greg that we would take over raising Steven, but we know nothing about the human world.” 

“School sucks. You don’t have to be a human to know that.” Amethyst rolled her eyes. 

“I didn’t even know that school existed until today!” wailed Pearl. 

“Everyone!” Garnet quietly said, but immediately gained everyone’s attention. “Let’s think about this logically. He might know everything he needs to know from being half Gem. Steven?” 

Steven was currently lying on the floor, bashing soup cans into each other and making the same vehicle noises. 

“Steven?” Pearl asked, raising her brow at him.

“Yeah?” Steven said, putting down the soup cans. 

There was a pause. “Well I don’t know what sorts of things human children are supposed to know at his age!” Pearl said, panicking again. 

“I got this,” Amethyst reassured them. “Steven, what color am I?”

“Uh, purple?” Steven answered, waiting for it to be some sort of prank. 

“He’s fine,” she said, flopping on the couch, face down. 

“I think it needs to be more advanced than that for a seven year old child, but I don’t really know...” Pearl started. 

“Fine, uh, what’s 248 times 23?” asked Amethyst. 

“Uhhhhhh...12?” Steven answered. 

“I think that one was too hard. Do you even know the answer to that?” Pearl sighed. 

“No, because learning is dumb?” said Amethyst. 

“Five thousand, seven hundred and four,” said Garnet. “Is that right?”

“No idea, man,” said Amethyst. 

“I think we’re going about this all wrong,” said Garnet. She crouched down to Steven’s level, and he looked up at her happily. She ruffled his hair. “Steven, would you want to go to school with human children if we sent you there?” 

“Would there be pizza there?” Steven asked. 

“I don’t know,” said Garnet. “I’d have to find out.” 

“Would you be there?” asked Steven.

“No, we wouldn’t be at school. Gems don’t go to school,” soothed Garnet. 

“Oh. Well I’m a Gem, and I don’t really want to go to school. I want to stay here with you and learn Gem stuff,” Steven said, looking up at her hopefully. 

“And we respect your answer,” said Garnet. 

“Good choice, Steve-o. School sucks,” Amethyst patted him on the head. 

“I guess if we haven’t been arrested for truancy yet…” Pearl muttered. 

“Pearl?” Steven asked, pulling on her hand. 

“Yes, Steven?”

“You can go to school if you want to. I’ll miss you, but it’s okay if you want to.” 

“No, Steven,” she sighed. “No, I’ll stay with you.”


End file.
